my birthday girl

Happy Summer to everyone and happy 8th birthday to my beauty girl…

Emma Jae… 06-26-06

Can it really be true?? You are 8 years old? Where has the time gone? It was only yesterday that I remember endless hours of snuggling with you in my bed…you were the most delicious baby and continue to be the most amazing little girl. Some things I will remember about you being 7…

• This year I watched you really grow up. You are figuring out who you are and what you like and it is so cool to watch
• Confidence has always been a strength of yours and I am watching you continue to nurture that confidence and it's amazing. You are secure with you are and I love that about you
• Your bravery always surprises me and your willingness to try new things is bursting. I hope you always trust your gut and go for it!
• your art is incredible…i think you are truly talented
  
• you still love your sweets and eat ice cream faster than anything else
• you are the best big sister to both of your brothers…they adore you and count on you for so much. There isn't anyone who can make Zeke feel calm quite like you do
• you still sniff your mimi when it's time to fall asleep and i hope you never stop
• you are such a good friend and i love to see your silly/fun side when you are with them
• i was so proud of your anne frank presentation…it was amazing how you presented aloud to all the parents and kids…so confident and so great
• you love gymnastics and swimming and riding your bike and hiking and just being outside
• the lake and fire island are your two happy places and your smile says it all…you love the ocean as much as daddy 
• you have the sweetest sensitivity and know when someone needs some love
• daddy has turned you into a true Rangers fan. hockey is your thing
• your family is so important to you and you make everyone in it feel loved
• you love to sing and do back flips and handstands
• no more dresses for the most part…you've got your own fashion ideas and are going with it

I love you Emma Jae…may all your bday wishes come true!

"cherish the journey"

A few weeks ago I was at my brother in law's wedding in New Orleans…an unforgettable and amazing weekend that was a true reflection of both Danny and Laura. But one part that stood out to me in particular was my father in law's toast at their rehearsal dinner. I've gotta give it to him…this man has a way with words. He began his toast by saying, "cherish the journey"…a phrase that has been coming to the forefront of my mind ever since…a phrase that I think is such an amazing mantra to keep you in the present…a phrase that I am grateful he shared with all of us. Some of you may be thinking that it's not anything new or something people haven't' said before, but for whatever reason, it's resonating with me now more than ever.

Today I spent Jax's last Millburn Coop Nursery School Day with him (he was the coop kid today) and all I kept thinking to myself was "cherish THIS journey." It was a happy day. It was a sad day. It was a hard day. It was the best day. After two years at this incredible green schoolhouse set in the heart of Taylor Park my "love boy" is moving on. And oh how I wish I could freeze time. When we made the decision to send him here two years ago there were many people who said, "But it's only 3 hours…What are you going to do with him for the rest of the day?" I can now answer by saying the following…I got to be a presence in his classroom for three hours on 18 total coop days in his two years there. I got to watch him go from saying "This is too hard for me, I can't do this" to an incredibly confident and capable five year old boy. I had the opportunity to watch him navigate friendships, negotiate conflict, express himself to his peers and to his teachers. I observed him building in blocks and creating amazing structures. I witnessed the surprise on his face when he discovered that if you mix red and blue you make purple. I watched him work with his friends collaboratively as they completed a 100 piece puzzle. I got to see the curiosity on his face when learning about a new bug or how something works or discover a new word in a story read aloud. I saw him learn how to zipper his own coat, put on/off his rain and snow pants all by himself. I experienced the hugging bell. I watched as he engaged in dramatic play as he made himself be whatever it was his imagination was telling him on that particular day. I got to see him set up snack for his peers while learning how to count in a natural and fun way. I witnessed him leading the voting machine and asking his peers "What do you vote for" in order to come to a democratic and fair resolution in the classroom. I watched him create the coolest things out of recycled materials…at school and at home (the candy shooter for show and teach). I saw him nurture and love a friendship with JBZ that is unique and special and unconditional. All in all, I watched my baby grow up in his classroom environment which is the most unbelievable gift I could have given to him... and to myself. I got to just be.

I am so thankful for his two teachers…E & K. Thank you for always seeing Jax for exactly who he is….thank you for teaching him what it means to be a caring, kind, fair, intelligent, creative and empathetic human being. Thank you for knowing when to love him and when to let him experience some growing pains. Thank you for being my partners in shaping who I know is an individual that will carry this experience to his core for the rest of his life.

Thank you Lizzie for essentially giving me this gift of time with Jax. If it wasn't for you, we would have never had this experience.

I am so grateful for this time that I spent with him….in the classroom and at home. I will remember it always. I am so proud of you my "sweet delicious"…you are one amazing little boy that makes my heart melt each and every day.

waking up on his last day

all love

watering the flowers

"I see friends shaking hands…saying how do you do"

his cubby

 a jax moment i will never forget

putting the trucks back in the shed

  

setting up snack

outdoor story time

creating something cool

so lucky

he is the future :)

friends for life

100 happy days

About a month ago, I noticed a Facebook post by a friend of mine titled "100 happy days." Each day she was posting one thing that made her feel happy. I was intrigued but didn't act on my curiosity. A few days later I bumped into her in town and we got to talking about it in person. After our conversation I decided what better time than right now to take on this challenge myself. Since my last post, the month of April turned out to be a bit "everywhere" for me. I wasn't feeling 100% like myself and thought that this challenge could possibly help bring things back into perspective for me. So....39 days later  I find myself feeling good, thinking differently and paying attention to the little things.

In a recent yoga class, my teacher spoke about paying attention to "what nourishes you"...literally and figuratively. What nourishes you as in what do you put into your body that makes you feel good or bad.  What nourishes you as far as the people you surround yourself with which include friends and family. What nourishes you meaning what makes you feel good, think smart, and helps you grow into the person you would ideally like to become. Because none of us are totally evolved...ever. This dharma talk in conjunction with my "100 happy days" posts is bringing me back to my center....reminding me what is important and leaving me feeling fulfilled.

Additionally, I decided to make a list (cause I can't help but love a good list) of things that make me happy. There is really something about writing things down that makes me feel like they are possible. I am going to confess now that the one thing that I am constantly writing down on my "to do" list is to write this blog and for whatever reason I have let this fall by the wayside. So while I have been able to find my happiness each day I am also owning the fault I have in not seeing this particular challenge or happiness to its entirety. But I'm banking on the summer brining a breath of fresh air and with it windows of time to let me really focus on my writing and most importantly…being happy.

My list….just to name a few :)

• listening to music
• reading a design book/blog
• qt with Greg
• snuggles and lips kisses from my kids
• my kids
• a good talk with a friend 
• a yummy iced coffee
• yoga
• organize something
• being outside
• the beach in the summer
• remembering to give back…in either a big or small way
• it's the little things that count
• my house
• family

My Birthday Boys

The month of April brings a lot of joy to our home. My two boys just celebrated their birthdays and I am filled with so much love.

Jax Dylan… 4-3-09

My love boy, I can't believe you are five years old! You continue to amaze me with your curiosity, warmth and affection. Some things that I will always remember about you being 4….

• I've watched you really figure out who you are in our family of five…an adoring little brother and now a supportive and loving big brother…it took a little while but I think you have figured out how special it is to be a big brother
• Your love for all sports is bursting…but especially hockey…you are a Rangers fan to your core just like daddy. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't play hockey in the basement or outside
• I love watching you on the soccer field. You are a real team player
• I love your curiosity and interest in people and the world around you. You ask questions that sometimes I don't even have the answers to! Never stop being this way :)
• You are and always will be my "love boy"…the kisses are irresistible and delicious
• How much you love your BFF…JBZ…I have never seen a bond quite like yours
• You love to dress "fancy" and always want to look nice on special occasions 
• You are brave and confident and I am so proud of that
• Cookies are your favorite dessert and you pretend to like ice cream cause the rest of us do :)
• Your favorite books are Piggie and Gerald, Same Same but Different and George and Martha
• You love to sing out loud and you do it with such enthusiasm (even when you don't' know all the words)
• Your eyes always tell a story…your expressions are priceless
• You like to wake me up in the middle of the night just cause you want a "kissy"
• You can write the whole alphabet and are really starting to have confidence when it comes to writing
• I think you will always miss Zoe and always think about her   
  

Zeke Matthew 4-6-12

I can't believe my baby is two years old!!!! What a year it's been…you have grown into your own little person and it has been incredible to watch.   

• Being the baby has it's benefits and you have learned so much from watching Emma and Jax
• You talk…and talk…and talk…all day long! You are one smart cookie
• You LOVE "Bapa" (Mickey Mouse)…the show, the puzzle, the toys, the hat, the pj's…everything!
• You love to do puzzles and build and play with your "guys"
• You give the tightest, best hugs
• I love holding you tight and singing you songs in your rocking chair at bedtime…especially when you start to snore on my shoulder
• You are brave and outgoing and think there isn't anything that you can't do
• You love to listen to "stories" and I love reading them to you
• You repeat everything anyone says to you which is why you have learned so much this year
• Music continues to be a big part of who you are and you love to sing. Some of your faves include Music for Aardvarks songs, Royals and Roar :)
• You wanna play hockey just like your brother
• You took your first real steps in the playroom with mommy and were so proud
• You love the water just like daddy and think you already know how to swim
• Emma is the one person who can calm you down and you always look to her for comfort and affection
• How you snuggle George and Mimi when it's time to go to sleep   
• You love to draw and know all of your colors…and so much more too!

  You are my baby but you are suddenly turning into a little boy.   

L-O-V-E

                                                      

You can't help but notice all the red and pink, hearts and love this month. Some people can't get enough of the red heart candy boxes at the drug store and others can't wait until the day has passed. Valentine's Day means something different to everyone, based of course on whether you are presently feeling loved by someone, what significance that day holds for you (is it a happy day or a sad day) and of course if you have the ability to give your heart to someone else. Without getting into the personal significance of what Valentine's Day means to me, it has gotten me thinking about love….Love for my hubby, love for my kids, love for my mom, love for my family, love for my friends. Love takes on so many forms, means so many things and is expressed in so many ways. Sometimes giving or receiving love is easy and sometimes its really hard. Sometimes the person you love most in the world is the one person you are giving the hardest time. Sometimes love sneaks up on you, catches you off guard and surprises you in the greatest of ways. But none of this is possible unless you have an open heart…a heart that is vulnerable, a heart that is willing to take chances, a heart that will most likely feel broken one day. I couldn't help myself and explored Pinterest for some love quotes that I hope will leave you thinking, feeling, wondering and most importantly loving.

this one's for my kids!

This post is dedicated to GST…I love you.

  

Let Your Soul Shine

In my last post I mentioned how I was going to add something new into my heath & wellness world….and I did it! For the first time in years I ventured out of my yoga comfort zone and tried something new…and I liked it! I took a class at Soul Cycle, an indoor cycling studio where mind and body come together to create a full body workout. Stepping into the space I felt totally out of my element. 100% nervous. Could I really do this? Is it gonna be too hard? What if i hate it? With the encouragement of two amazing friends (who convinced me to give it a try) I was able to just surrender, let go and let it all play out as it should. I learned the logistics of the bike, met my super friendly instructor and latched into my bike. As the class started I decided I'm riding for me, nobody else, and I was in control of how easy or challenging this experience would be. After 45 minutes of amazing music, inspirational coaching by the instructor and a physical experience that was new in my world, I felt great! Not only did I do something new and good for my body/physical health, but mentally I felt like a huge success. And at the end of the day, what more could you ask for? I challenged myself, was mentally inspired and burned some calories all at once.

The other thing I couldn't help but think about is "balance." It's a word that is popping up everywhere for me lately…after all, it's the key to true happiness don't you think? If you can achieve that perfect "balance" (and it's different for everyone) than life can feel pretty seamless. By committing to riding at Soul Cycle once a week I feel like I am creating a balance in my physical and mental health while also still continuing to develop and nurture my yoga practice.

On another note, I can't help but mention how aesthetically pleasing the actual space of the studio is….totally amazing! It goes back to the whole idea of how just being in a beautiful space can make someone feel inspired, creative, productive or successful. You walk into Soul Cycle and are wow'd by how clean and inspiring the space feels. Designed in black and white with pops of bright yellow (their signature color…which I am so digging right now), you just feel energized. I totally love the vibe and am thinking about how I can incorporate more yellow in my house. :) Waiting on the next room to need an update!

Joy

Happy 2014 everyone! It was one year ago that I started this blog and stated my "intentions" in my very first post. Looking back at them now, I can say some were a success and some were failures (as most resolutions often are). It's hard to stay 100% committed to everything all the time...and while I'd like to think that I can do it all, most days I just can't. However, it's in learning to accept that failure that I have been able to grow, change and ironically feel better about myself. I would have to say that 2013 started out strong, grew challenging in the middle and ended with a deeper appreciation of what is real and true.

I'm feeling a bit stuck at the start of 2014. January 1st is a day that you are supposed to feel resilient, fearless, energized and excited. It's the clean slate you have been waiting for for 364 days....But, I'm not quite there...yet. As I have stated before, I am a big fan of making lists. It is the written list that helps me organize my thoughts, "to do's," goals. It is the written list that makes it feel possible to be successful...even if that means going food shopping for the third time in a week or remembering to return a phone call. So with that being said, here is my 2014 "list" of hopes and dreams...

• Worry less and breathe more (from 2013 but now I'm moving it the #1 slot!)
• Write at least once a week which means finding time for myself no matter what!
• Design my blog page (i've been talking about doing this for months)
• Go to yoga 2 times a week and find something new to add to my physical well being
• Decorate. Organize. Decorate some more (also from last year)
• Read more of what inspires me...books, blogs, etc
• Continue to simplify and de-clutter
• Choose joy and let go of fear
• Take more  pictures
• Remember the beauty of being spontaneous and let go!
• Remind myself to always find balance in my world and be present

In yoga, my teachers often say to state your intentions with one word. Find one word that sums up what you want to put out into the universe at this moment in time that will ultimately find its way back to you. I've decided my word for 2014 is JOY. I am going to accept it. Live it. Think it. Witness it. Surround myself with it. There isn't space in my world for anything but joy. :)

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year....

I don't know about you, but I am definitely making my lists and I'm definitely checking them twice! This time of year always seems like such a whirlwind and I would love to just slow things down and enjoy these moments some more. I love, love, love this time of year....the holiday movies, holiday music, decorations and the overall feeling of warmth, joy and light. Makes you just wanna be with the ones you love...doesn't it? Hanukah has come and gone (wrapped up in the midst of Thanksgiving this year) and for our family it was an amazing weekend of family, togetherness, many celebrations (my father-in-law and nephew's birthdays) and lots of love. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house which was a huge success. I feel that the recipe for a fabulous holiday is keeping things simple, going back to the recipes that you know work and of course family teamwork...which fortunately for me, I had a lot of helping hands (thanks Mama)!

For those of you who are still doing your shopping, I'll give you my mini version of a holiday gift guide which include the top hits for my fam!

For the man in your life, you can't go wrong with a Patagonia vest...especially if they love hitting the slopes during these winter months. Greg loved his! 

Does it get any cuter than these glitter moccasin slippers from J Crew? Emma LOVED hers!

Jax's favorite gift this holiday season! If you have a 4 1/2 year old boy in your life who you love this is the gift to get! A double marshmallow shooter!

Zeke had 2 favorites...this amazing teepee from Land of Nod (one of my favorites) and his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse figurines...he is "Bapa"(his word for Mickey) obsessed!

Both my boys love, love, love this truck...

And finally, a gift I bought for myself...I just love it. Reminds me of my own strength, to be kind hearted and to listen to my voice within. (Purchased from a local boutique Curate in Millburn, NJ)

Which brings me to my next thought, which is resolutions. This blog began as part of a New Year's resolution I had for myself this year. It was almost a year ago that I finally had the courage to take this leap and write...to share myself with you. I will be honest and say I wish I shared more, wrote more, focused more...but hey, that's what this years resolutions are for! :) I was recently presented with an opportunity that made me think twice about my life, the path I'm on, the direction I want to go...and my wheels have been turning ever since. Life presents you with so many crossroads, some that make you act and some that just make you think. Either way, they are opportunities to stop and learn, change, grow...who you are and what you want. So I've been thinking....What do I want for myself as a wife? As a mother? As a friend? As a daughter? As an individual who is still learning about herself and discovering new things about who I am every day? I don't have all the answers just yet, but I do know that I am excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. I am grateful for the health and happiness that exists in my home. I am happy to be in this present moment, writing this blog, on this perfect snowy day when everything is covered in white. 

(An old pic but one of my faves...just pure happiness)

Time

I hate to sound like a broken record, but as I sit here to write this next entry I can't believe how much time has passed since my last one. Hence....the subject for today...TIME. As I look at the date of my last post I wonder why so much time has passed since I wrote and what has kept me from sitting at my keyboard? Since the start of the school year it feels like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do. How do I create time for myself, give each of my three kids the time that they deserve, spend QT with Greg and find time to connect and bond with friends and family? Not to mention the every day "stuff" that has to get done in between! It's a major juggling act that I know we are all too familiar with, especially in the fast paced world we live in today. And as you all know, I am a girl who loves my sleep, so I definitely don't make up for lost time in the late night hours.  So how do you spend your time? Do you feel fulfilled at the end of the day? Do you create time for yourself? I'd love to hear....

I've also been thinking about time from a different perspective. We recently had family movie night and the kids chose to watch Parental Guidance. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about grandparents who come to stay with their grandchildren while the parents get out of town for a much need getaway (ironically, the previous idea of time I just mentioned is also a theme of the movie). Anyway, without giving away too much of the movie, the grandparents that come to stay with them are the "other grandparents"...the grandparents that live far away and see their grandchildren once or twice a year. They happily agree to come stay with their grandchildren for a week with the hopes that they can create a deeper and more meaningful relationship with their grandchildren. This got me thinking...It's never too late to make a change in your life. I don't know about you, but I definitely feel like sometimes too much time has passed and it's too late....too late to start a new career...too late to send that thank you note I should have written three months ago....too late to possibly nurture a relationship that has been a certain way for as long as you can remember but you wish it could change. It's so reassuring to say to yourself..."It's never too late." I CAN, at the age of 35, decide to do something completely new with my life. I CAN still write that thank you note to Zoe's vet and oncologist thanking them for all the time and support they provided for our family as we went through the most challenging days with our beloved Zoe. I CAN always pick up the phone and call that friend that I haven't talked to in months, or maybe even a year, because life gets so busy, and say I miss you! How are you? Its' never too late.

Finally, don't forget that Saturday night we turn back the clocks one hour!

Girl Power

Have you missed me?! I took a majorly long hiatus from writing (which I'm not happy to say) but I'm back and ready to write, think, share and write some more. The summer was filled with some great times and some sad ones, lots of outdoor fun, spending quality time with family and friends, and ended with me celebrating my 35th birthday. For those of you who don't know, I'm big on birthdays...and not just my own...my hubby, my kids, family, and friends. I think everyone deserves to be celebrated in a major way on the day that you came into this world. Greg hates that I do this, but every year on my birthday AND his, I think about who sent birthday wishes our way. With so many different forms of communication now, you can receive a message via Facebook, text message, email, or the good old fashioned phone call. Do you prefer one over the other? What makes you feel good? Or do you not care at all? I'm one for the old fashioned phone call, but that's me!

On that note, I purchased a birthday gift for myself that left me feeling like I made a small difference in someone else's life. While reading one of my favorite blogs, I came across an amazing organization/company called fashionABLE. Their mission is to "create sustainable business for Africans so they are not dependent upon charity, but instead earn the dignity of a job. We offer opportunity to everyone, with a primary focus on empowering women. When we invest in a woman, statistics demonstrate that she has a life-changing impact on her family and community...and herself." Truly, what cold be better than making a purchase that has this great of an impact on someone else's life?

These women in Ethiopia create beautiful scarves and leather goods (I purchased the clutch) that allow them to feel needed, important and productive in a community where they used to experience far less rewarding means of providing for their families. I was so taken by their stories, by this mission, that I had to be a small part of it. I investigated the website further to find there are ways to volunteer or work for this organization that could allow for much greater involvement in creating change. But for now, I'll use my clutch and be reminded of how grateful I am to be a woman who has choices, a woman who has a home and a family, a woman who feels empowered to have my voice be heard. I am also sharing it with you in hopes that you too will make a purchase or share this with a friend so that more opportunities are created for these courageous women in Africa who are dreaming big!